The Imposter Syndrome

I've spent the last few weeks reading a book called 'Lean In' by Sheryl Sandberg (the COO of Facebook). It's all about women achieving their full potential and it has absolutely fascinated me!

A term I have been introduced to is "The Imposter Syndrome":

"is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'" (Wikipedia)

Sheryl refers to a talk she heard (by Dr. Peggy McIntosh) explaining that this 'syndrome' is especially noticeable in women. Here is what she says:

Women especially..."feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made...like imposters with limited skills or abilities." (p.29)

It is the plague of self-doubt: suffocating and stalling the achievements of women and girls.
It is the outcome of underestimating ourselves.
It is insecurity-driven.

So, why are we thinking that this is especially existent in women?

I couldn't write this part of Sheryl's explanation in any better way, so have a read of the following:
"Ask a man to explain his success and he will typically credit his own innate qualities and skills. Ask a woman the same question and she will attribute her success to external factors, insisting she did really well because she 'worked really hard', or 'got lucky', or 'had help from others'." (p.30)

I have to admit that I often feel afraid of being exposed as someone who does not have it all together, someone who doesn't have it sorted. But actually, I'm not afraid of being exposed as that person, hence my openness to be real and vulnerable. I'm actually afraid of what others will think, say and do as a result...It's a double-edged sword.

Now I understand that, biblically, we mustn't think we are better than we are (Romans 12:3) BUT I believe that as women, historically, we have gone so far as to not viewing ourselves exactly as we are.

Perhaps us women have a tendency to evaluate one another cruelly; looking not to find their 'better' but to find their 'worse'. Perhaps we need to assess the heart of other women because only then will we see their accomplishments and success in their rightful light; exactly as they are. 

We have to stop being so afraid of the analysis of others and the over-analysis of ourselves and focus on the personal assignment given by God to each of us - to be where we are and to do what we're doing with UNSTOPPABLE grace, humility, passion, desire and fervor. 

Only when we do that will we see overflow and outpouring of the same culture into the lives of young women and girls too. Let's be the fire-starters.

I'll keep you posted. 

'Beauty is Seductive'...

Girls. I’ve been thinking a lot recently (shock, horror!) about the ‘beauty standard’ displayed by the media for women to follow. It scares me. It leaked into my dissertation and become a profound piece of research that I don’t see talked about that much….

I really want to share a few things with you!

The definition of beauty is actually much unknown: there is no external voice or authority to state what is objectively beautiful. 

The dictionary says: ‘beauty’ is “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight”

This means it’s dependent on personal taste. BUT, who’s taste? The answer to this question is filled by our culture: magazine covers, advertising campaigns, internet searches or social media influencers and it’s having a scary effect!!

The results from the GirlGuiding Girls’ Attitudes Survey 2016 reinforces the idea that our culture fills this void, with girls declaring that, “the media is a major force in shaping the culture that girls live in” and that advertisements show that “our media culture mainly chooses women’s sexualized bodies to sell products”. Also, through social media, “girls are scrutinizing each other’s bodies and competing…to validate their physical attractiveness”. 

We see the shift from beauty as a ‘quality’ to ‘competition’. 

Just look at Cosmopolitan’s August 2016 cover:

It ties together the words ‘seductive’ and ‘beauty’ – frightening – it’s saying that the two go hand in hand!! ‘Beauty’ has shifted from a quality, to competition, to a weapon. 

PLUS: It only takes a brief glance at those rated ‘Instafamous’ to see a lot of bare skin seductivity.

It could be argued that the objectification in the media has shifted into women objectifying themselves through their social media accounts in order to gain and build their value.
I can’t hack it anymore. This is becoming popular and normal and, personally, I struggle with it. It seems to say --- in some cases --- that there is beauty in sexiness, seduction and provocativeness.

I am inclined to say the following;

GIRLS/WOMEN, THERE IS NOT.

BOYS/MEN – THERE IS NOT. The women given airtime on Sky Sports and/or FHM etc. are not the definition of ‘beauty’ and ‘normality’: these things aren’t determined by skin exposure and seductivity. Don't rate girls based on that.

Let me tell you about two conflicting diary entries by girls, from ‘The Body Project’ (by Joan Jacob Brumberg):

Before World War I - girls rarely mentioned their bodies in terms of strategies for self-improvement or struggles for personal identity. Becoming a better person meant paying less attention to the self, giving more assistance to others.

21st century - ‘I will try to make myself better in any way I possibly can…I will lose weight, get new lenses, already got a new haircut, good make-up, new clothes and accessories’.

Why have we moved from internal, selfless character to outward, self-obsessed behaviour?What happened to beauty being a QUALITY? What happened to beauty being more than just what meets the eye? What happened to cultivating our character? What happened to turning heads because of the beauty of our character, not the seductivity of our pose?

Now, I really don't want you to think I'm moaning, nagging or over-exaggerating. I just want to challenge and question what society is so nonchalantly pointing towards as the norm.

By all means, I encourage you to come to your own conclusion.  
I encourage you to build a picture about what 'BEAUTY' means to you.

I'll keep you posted.