Monday 23 November 2015

Should I be short, fat and ugly?

Since I founded Belle, I have had many questions thrown my way, casting doubt over my ability to lead this organisation, these doubts are based purely on my appearance


Photo by jessieherbert.com


For example - on the tube a few months ago I commenced a conversation with a fellow tube passenger - I know doesn't happen often right!!! - (it was after her intriguement at my theology book). We shared life stories and of course I shared about Belle. 
One thing she said struck me massively - she put her hands under her chin in a v-shape and proceeded to say "but when you look like" followed by sweeping her hands in a 'thin body shape kind of way' and saying "and when you're that shape, how is it fair to do what you do".

That was the first comment I had concerning what I look like but there's been many more since.

SO. What do I have to say back?

1. Don't judge a book by its cover (the old classic ey!) 

We look - we judge - we assume. I've struggled so much with the way I look over the years and I've put so much of my value in it. I've looked in the mirror and only seen "ugly" and "not good enough". Why do you assume I haven't? The model, Cameron Russell, in her TED talk speaks of how her and a group of models are the most insecure people you will ever meet, though we would look at them and see perfection. Why do we look at people and assume they have it all sussed?

2. Comparison is the thief of joy

We live in an image-saturated culture. Therefore, I too am on that journey. I used to struggle even more so with subconsciously comparing myself to other girls whether in magazines, on TV or at school. No matter what we look like - comparison floods our lives. Why do we do that when an original is worth more than a copy? And we're ALL originals created by the Master himself.

3. Socially constructed ideas of beauty 

What is considered "beautiful" varies massively between cultures and time. It's fluid, constantly changing. It's never attaining, constantly pursuing. If we "attain" one thing - there's always more to attain. We never reach the perfect, socially constructed idea of 'beauty'. E.g if I strive for thinner thighs - I may attain them but then there'll be something more to attain, e.g shinier hair. Where is contentment in this societal view of beauty? 

I just praise God that I can now look in the mirror and see beauty more often than flaws. 

I'm not a finished product.
I'm still on a journey.

Belle is about equipping, empowering and encouraging girls to discover their true value, beauty and purpose and proceed to walk alongside them in their journey.

Belle is passionate about seeing a generation released from the socially distorted perceptions of value, beauty and purpose. We’re passionate about freeing them to know and love who they are.

My role in leading Belle is about journeying with girls in their story, being real with my own story and embracing all that Belle is in God’s master-story.




Monday 12 October 2015

Sometimes girls are to blame*

*read what I have to say before you judge

Over the past week I've had discussions with women from across the country about self-esteem in young girls and women. We've had discussions about the objectification of women, the disposability of relationships, sexual violence, porn, sexting, misogyny, the social constructs of beauty and the threats, pressures and expectations placed upon the 21st century girl. Woaaaaah right?!

So what's the one issue that struck me more profoundly than all of these for a girl living in what could be called the 'turmoil' of the 21st century?

To an extent; us girls are to be blamed.

Ouch, you say? Maybe "blame" is too strong a word to use. I hear you.

Hear me out.

We've created and sustained a culture where it's been normalised to slate other women.
E.g. To fat/thin shame, to criticise, to bully, to inferior-ate, to judge, to bitch, to insult


Watch Cassey's inspirational video here.

Since when did this become acceptable? Since when did we believe it justified?

Maybe it was when life became all about 'self'; slating others in order to make them inferior in order to increase 'self' superiority?
Maybe it was when the purpose of making others feel insecure was in order to increase our personal security?
Maybe it was when social media kicked-off this new dimension and normality of comparison?

Well, do you know what - I've had enough. Have you?

Here's what I commit to doing, and am inspired by others doing, in order to be the exception:

1.         Encourage:

I intend on eradicating the presence of discouragement in my converse with others. I intend on eradicating negativity from my dialect.

2.         Support:

I intend on mentoring one-on-one those girls of the younger generation. Because real community needs to overcome virtual community. Because one conversation at a time, seeds of hope can be sewn. Because listening is one of the greatest gifts you can freely give someone else. Because we can't judge another unless we know their heart.

3.         Fight:

I intend on having a voice and speaking out when I disagree with the way we treat one another. Whether it's a supposed "role model" in the media or gossip behind another's back. I intend on campaigning against disunity.

I believe one of the most powerful influencers of change is awareness.

Action: I challenge you to be intentionally aware of your interaction with other women and their interaction with one another. What would it look like if we all fought, supported and encouraged one another?

Do you want to do more?: I challenge you to post a photo of you and other women with an encouraging and supportive message on social media; hashtag #weunite


Will you be the exception?

I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday 15 September 2015

Stay the Path

Now you know how it is – after many weeks of holidaying from all normal routine and with September suddenly hitting - I decided to take myself off for a little run/(let's be honest) jog in Windsor last week. And through the pain of attempting exercise, God was speaking to me about what I want to share with you.

Here is a photo of the route I went on last week but I want to try to transform what this may represent for you. Intriguing!



I want to ask you a question straight up: where are you in your relationship with God?

Where are you? And I ask this because in Genesis in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve had screwed up it’s the first thing God is recorded saying: Where are you?

Now on my run/jog I was looking down over the long path leading up the castle and reflecting on our journey in life. We plod along daily, minding our own business, putting one foot in front of another, going through struggles (there was one point where the path was totally submerged in mud and I mean I stopped a good few times trying to get my breath back), there are some highs (probably primarily running towards my car once it reappeared in sight), and there’s some other stuff going on (people running past you – they must be proper marathon runners – you running past people and feeling as if you’ve conquered the world); but hey – that’s it – that’s life.

I looked down towards the castle and what caught my attention profoundly in that moment was the white gate separating me from the castle.

I was reminded of the verse in Matthew 7:14:
“Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it”

We’re living in the tension between the world and God. We find ourselves admist this wide road and even many different roads of choices and temptations and of many branded ‘good’ things. Of life that’s full of business, pride, achievement, self-satisfaction, fame and distractions; of normalness.
Does this wordly life really, I mean really fulfill us???

As Christians we believe there’s MORE to life than that. There’s a fuller way of living, a new life possible through Jesus down that narrow road. A life of freedom, truth, hope, love peace and that’s the good news we live by. It’s thanks to what Jesus did on the cross.

Because after we’d messed up in sin, God sent his son that he might live an earthly, worldly life with a heavenly orientation, power and perspective, before dying on the cross with our sin (past, present and future), only to be resurrected so that we can be restored into the relationship we were meant to have in the first place with GOD. That we no longer have to live by the law of the old testament. 

That we might be in relationship with God. This isn’t just a knowing of the God of the Bible. It’s actually knowing him. I was in Aus a couple of years ago and really eagerly wanting to know God’s will for my life like seriously God just tell me?! The next best thing was picking up a book called ‘Finding God’s Will’ right – and the one thing I took away from that was that in order to know God’s will for your life, you’ve gotta know the God of God’s will.

Life is about pursuing your relationship with God. God sacrificed his son. Jesus sacrificed himself so that we might be free from our bondage to sin. He did that; for our sake.

And I don’t know where we’re all at today, but maybe some of us need to press reroute on our internal satnav. Maybe we’ve never let this new of what Jesus did and why Jesus did it capture our hearts as well as our minds. Maybe in the normalness of life we’ve kept plodding along and we’ve wandered off-road from our relationship with God.

I’m reminded of the visual of a young child wandering away from their mother or father in search for something they want, they think is better – they stop suddenly in their tracks and panic as they realise they’ve lost sight of their carer. Their eyes frantically search for them and when they catch sight of them they recognise them because they know them; and they bolt it straight into their arms.

If you’re not bolting for God – what are you bolting for?

I want to have that relationship with God where I’m bolting towards him daily because I recognise who he is, what he’s done, what he’s doing and what he’s still to do.

Matthew 7:7 says:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

At alpha this year we spoke about a famous painting that an artist did of this verse and there’s Jesus at the door right – us on the other side – and some guy criticised the artist saying ‘umm mate you forgot the handle on the outside of the door’ – but the artist responded ‘no – it’s us who decide whether we open the door, God is already there and waiting’. He’s already chosen us – and we’re good enough as we are! Yet, we have the CHOICE as to whether or not we open the door/whether or not we open the gate to enter into or back into relationship with Him.

Maybe some of us need to approach the gate again, or for the first time.

But why - what does this relationship thing look like?!

For me it’s about living in TRUTH. Because it’s about living in intimacy with the one who is truth. It’s about doing life with the very word of God; with him himself. It’s about living in the truth of who I am in Him – because it’s not about me it’s about Him.

It’s not about an easy life because the road is narrow; but it means that in all I can put on the armour of God and stand firm with the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God, and stand against all of those worldly things that come to bind us up. Because Jesus came to proclaim freedom. I’m talking about Ephesians 6.
  • It means that when flaming arrows of insecurity are fired our way to throw us off-track – we can stand firm in knowing that we are God’s masterpiece, that we are of immense value.
  • It means that when flaming arrows of insignificance are fired our way to throw us off track, we can stand firm knowing that we are chose, that we were created for his purpose.
  • It means that when flaming arrows of fear and worry are fired our way to throw us off track, we can stand firm knowing that we can cast all our anxiety on God because he cares for us, in knowing that the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and mind.
  • It means that when flaming arrows of hurt and pain are fired our way to throw us off track, we can stand firm knowing God will never leave nor forsake us.
  • It means that when flaming arrows of shame are fired our way to throw us off track, we can stand firm knowing that in Christ there’s no condemnation.

We’ve got to do life with God because life is about the pursuit of Jesus.
We’ve got to submit to him daily.
We’ve got to journey deeper and deeper into relationship with him – it’s not just about deliverance, belief and Sunday morning - it’s about the journey.

It’s about doing life with the creator of life itself.
It’s about truth.
It’s about freedom.
It’s about relationship.
It’s about staying the path.
It’s about the gate.
It’s a choice.



So I ask you again – Where are you in your relationship with God? And where would you LIKE to be?

I'll keep you posted.


Thursday 27 August 2015

Eve, fruit and foliage

Thanks to a friend I’ve been reading “A Lot Like Eve” by Joanna Jepson… and there’s a part of it that I feel buzzing to share…

Let’s rewind back to the very beginning; the Garden of Eden.

We all know the story of Adam and Eve eating the forbidden apple via the suggestion of the snake, but I want to hone in on some details….

Genesis 2:25: Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Genesis 3:6-7: When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realised they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Genesis 3:12: The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.

Everything changed for Adam and Eve.

Post apple-eating they were overcome with shame, a shame they hadn’t felt before. But hey it wasn’t God who told them to run and hide and to cover their nakedness with leaves.

What’s my point? We hear the voices of judgement, of grief, condemnation and shame from others.

Romans 8:1: So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

By the grace of God he comes and he clothes us. He removes the shame and he clothes us with his saving love. He clothes us in truth.

Isaiah 61:10: I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation...

We must remove our gaze from the views and opinions of others and fix our eyes on Him who created us - Him who knows us - Him who loves us.

Saturday 16 May 2015

A Study of Self-Esteem

A few weeks ago I started a project delving into the issue of self-esteem.

Young girls face a time of rapid change, growth and challenges and there are a host of dangerous consequences that poor self-worth can initiate (such as depression, eating disorders, self-harm, anxiety, suicide etc.)

Having started up Belle I wanted definitive statistics proving the need for its existence, and that's what I achieved.

There was a lot more interest in the research than expected. There were men and females of all ages keen on giving their response towards the research which resulted in a total of 240 individual responses received. 

The number of male responses, 19-24 year old and 25-30 year old female responses were not sufficient enough to draw conclusions upon, so I will primarily present the findings from females aged 13-18 and the results of females aged 31+. 

In order to make the responses objective, I gave each response a value depending upon the statement itself.  I then added together the scores achieved corresponding to the answers given which correlates to individual's self-esteem; whether it is low or ‘high’. I grouped the numbers into four categories ranging from poor self-esteem to excellent self-esteem dependent on the collective score achieved. This is important because it enables distinguishing between the two extremes of self-esteem. I then reduced the category size again down to two categories being ‘low’ (achieving a score of 50% or less) and ‘other’. I decided to title the category ‘other’ because it’s not justified to title it ‘good’ when it refers to a range of scores from 13 to 24.


The first set of results are from the 62 female respondents aged 13-1888.89% of whom consider themselves middle class:


What's worrying is that 13% of the young girls I studied have critical self-esteem along with a phenomenal 31% being poor
When reducing down the category size it's evident that almost half of young girls struggle with low self-esteem. This is scary. 


The next set of results are from the 82 female respondents aged 31+84.14% of whom consider themselves middle class:

Here it is noticeable that none of the women I studied have critical self-esteem (an improvement), however, the majority of women have only fair self-esteem which is still concerning. 
It is visible that almost 1/5 of women have low self-esteem, still a considerably worrying quantity when the assumption is made that the issues of self-esteem are less existent for this target audience.

In terms of the findings of the open question referring to the respondents views of their self-esteem, what was most indicative was that a significant quantity of respondents replied with a statement along the lines of, “good self-esteem because of Jesus, but decreases with the views of society, the world and people”
Additionally, a significant quantity of respondents referred to their self-esteem as being one of the following: “dodgy”, “fluctuates”, “unstable”, “varies”, “dependent”, “up and down”, “shaken” or “fragile”
Finally, a lot of respondents recognised that their self-esteem was low (their results coincided with this). 

Of question therefore is what they are doing about this? 
What's being done about this?
What can we do about this?
How can this change?


Let's CHANGE this

This is why Belle exists

Get involved

Thursday 19 March 2015

Being a Christian is NOT about heaven

A few weeks ago I accompanied the Vicar to a school to be subject to interrogation by the young people. One of the questions raised was, “What do you think about life after death?” which initiated a very interesting discussion, some of which I’m going to share with you.

So often as Christians, as followers of Jesus, as ‘believers’ (or as whatever you may call yourself), we walk along in life thinking “GREAT – I believe in God, I believe he’s real, oh I’m so looking forward to this ‘heaven’ place...brilliant!” And yes that may be true but that’s not the point.

Heaven is not what life is all about. We are living NOW. We are in the ‘present’ - the ‘gift’ that is today.

As Christians it is our job now, today, in the present, to bring a little bit (or a lot - why the heck not?!) of heaven down to Earth.

Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

It’s about being Christ-like in a world that so desperately needs Jesus; being like Jesus in what we say and in what we do; in how we live.

Being a Christian is about being in a personal, living, current relationship with God, it’s not about grabbing a ticket to a life-after-death paradise (though yes that is very exciting!) – it’s about following Jesus today in this world.


Let’s live a life that makes a difference – instead of wallowing in the mess of this world let’s journey with God in bringing light down from heaven and into our screwed up world. 
What a super exciting honour that is!

Let's bring Heaven to Earth today.
I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday 25 February 2015

EDAW - My biggest battle

Considering that it’s Eating Disorder Awareness Week - I’ve felt really compelled to share the following with you.




It’s something I feel quite embarrassed about and extremely vulnerable sharing because it’s something I didn’t really open up about but it’s not something I wish attention for. It’s something I’m sharing with you because I feel I need to show to you that I haven’t got it all sussed – that I am not all sorted – it’s a journey and not one that we have to go alone.

Basically: I have had (and still do on the occasion) a massive struggle with my weight. Growing up I was always the super annoying type who could eat 8 meals a day and not look the slightest bit different. It was obviously too good to be true dammit!

My weight was never something that bothered me much, I went to the gym on the odd occasion (with mum of course), and ate normally (with the usual pig-out session several times a week).

However, when I went away I found my body trying to adjust to a new diet and to a distinct lack of exercise. It didn’t bother me too much at first until the dreaded day when I discovered that some of my clothes no longer fitted…

I entered into a period of time when weight dominated my thoughts. It dominated everything.

I entered into a period of time when comparison dominated my thoughts – when how much and when I exercised dominated my thoughts – and when how much and what I ate dominated my thoughts. What I ate controlled me. But it still didn’t stop me eating (I flipping love food too much!). No matter whether someone told me I was ‘slim’ – it didn’t matter. In my head I obviously wasn’t slim because I didn’t look like that girl, my jeans didn’t fit as well as before, and my leather skirt wouldn’t zip up.

I suddenly felt surrounded my slim, beautiful models with thigh-gaps and toned stomachs and felt deep envy, frustration and pain in the pit of my stomach. Comparison robs joy. My brain was constantly assessing how much I ate against how much I could exercise that day – it dominated everything. I obsessed over it. It was exhausting.

An Idol; anything you draw your strength from or give your strength to...its how you spend yourself.

My weight was my idol.

It’s something I feel I now see the end of. My faith has been a considerable factor in the healing process. On a more practical note, the combination of exercising regularly and eating normally (a lifestyle I absolutely love!) is also what has helped me. I no longer let my weight control me. It no longer holds its power over me.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?" (‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭25‬ NIV)

I know now that my weight doesn’t affect my desirability, and I know that my weight doesn’t define me, it doesn’t control me. I know I am worth more than how I look. And it’s my prayer that you will truly know that too.

Please if you feel this way - tell someone. Or tell me. Let's journey it together!

I haven’t got it all sussed. I’m still on a journey – we all are!


I’ll keep you posted.

Wednesday 11 February 2015

Vulnerability

Now don’t get me wrong; social media is great. However, naturally we have the tendency to use it as a showcase for the great stuff that is going on in our lives. It’s a place where accolades and achievements are shared, dressing up to look our best and nights out with friends are exposed and the highlights of travel adventures are boasted. Though there’s nothing wrong with these things – we have to be aware that we’re building a culture that hides behind the mask of social media.

Something that’s been challenging yet encouraging to me recently is the power in our vulnerability.
We live in a vulnerable world thus in-turn we numb vulnerability. We selectively numb certain emotions (such as fear, sadness, shame); but when we do, we numb everything (joy, love, peace). It’s a mask we wear to depict perfection.

Let’s break through this mask. Let’s wear a cloak of vulnerability. Let’s be authentic. Let’s be REAL.

Let’s have the courage to be imperfect. Let’s let go of who we think we should be, to be who we truly are and stop trying to live up to this ideal of perfection in a broken world. No one is perfect and everyone is wired for struggle, but we are worthy of love and belonging.  Let’s have courage in owning who we are and actually LOVING that.

The beauty of who you really are shines through in your brokenness.

Vulnerability is not weakness.




Brene Brown has done heaps of research into vulnerability and found that the ‘whole-hearted’ live in vulnerability which makes them feel embraced, beautiful, necessary. This vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, love and worth.

Vulnerability is at the core to transformation.

Let’s create a shift in the cultural norms.

Stepping out in vulnerability is pretty petrifying – standing up in Church and telling part of my story (oh and for the online download world) made me feel incredibly vulnerable, it’s allowing ourselves to be truly deeply seen, it’s owning who we truly are. We have to break the patterns of avoiding being truly seen for fear of how we will be received.

So I am going to pursue vulnerability. I am going to try to be openly broken, authentic and real in the fallen world that we live in. Because, through this choice to be vulnerable I have faith that God will show his almighty, powerful, healing strength; and it’s all about his glory.

Hold me accountable!

I’ll keep you posted.

Friday 6 February 2015

"Belle"

Self-esteem: the beliefs a person holds about themselves, their ability to make decisions and deal with the circumstances they face in life.

The UK has one of the highest rates of self-harm in Europe
In the UK, 1 in 100 women aged between 15 and 30 suffers from anorexia
1 in 4 16 year old girls know of someone else who has been hurt or hit by someone they are dating
These statistics are merely a glimpse of the issues facing young girls today. 

We became increasingly aware of the issues facing young girls today throughout secondary school, then affecting their life post education. Secondary school is a time of rapid change, growth and challenges. Thus, there are overwhelming effects that poor self-worth can initiate (such as depression, eating disorders, self-harm, anxiety, suicide etc.). Although we recognise there are some websites/charities that operate – they aren’t always easily accessed. In Berkshire alone there is a waiting list for child services of 18 months. With this in mind we wanted to create an organisation that can signpost to multi-agencies and to support girls on discovering their value, identity and purpose and then proceed to walk alongside them in their journey. This gave birth to ‘Belle’, a non-profit organisation in 2015.

Founder: Jessie Faerber. I am currently studying a Bsc in Theology and Youth Ministry at St.Mellitus College and work as a Youth Worker across Warfield Church. 



Belle is an organisation with a Christian ethos to equip, encourage and empower young girls in Berkshire.

VISION: to inspire hope into the lives of young girls governed by issues surrounding self-esteem.

Belle aims to tackle issues surrounding self-esteem in 3 key ways;
·        equipping; value, identity and purpose
·        encouraging; mentoring
·        empowering; social media

Belle aims to work alongside schools and youth groups in Berkshire to inspire hope into the lives of our young girls who are governed by issues of self-esteem through equipping, encouraging and empowering.
Belle focuses on working with girls between the ages of 11 and 18 (but also recognises an increasing need in Primary Schools – something Belle will be exploring).

For Belle to be most effective we aim to build in 3 core elements outlined below:

     1.   equipping; value, identity, purpose:
We are fully trained facilitators of Cocoon; a 6/10 week course for a small group of girls, focusing on their personal value, identity and purpose. The course contains links for the National Curriculum in both PSHE & Wellbeing and Citizenship. It is a brilliant, all-     encompassing, tried course that covers areas such as value, feelings and emotions, interests and skills, personality, body image, media and appearance, dreams and aspirations and planning for the future.
Cocoon is an exciting and fresh course which allows young women to delve into their complex feelings and explore emotions healthily. The course allows today’s media driven young people to take a step back and evaluate who they really are and what they want out of life, giving them practical ways to face everyday situations and challenges
Head of PSHE, Sutton Academy
     2.   encouraging; mentoring:
We offer an opportunity to mentor (and have a level 5 certificate in Christian Mentoring) within a school or youth group; to meet more personably in a one-to-one setting with a young girl as a listening ear in a safe and controlled environment. It is important to offer girls the opportunity to have someone to speak to about a range of issues; to be someone who cares. We are firm believers that through building relationships with young people, we can inspire hope and initiate positive change. Mentoring provides the opportunity to do so.
NB: We are not fully qualified counselors. Our role as a mentor is to listen and to provide relevant and appropriate ‘signposts’ or referrals where required.

     3.   empowering; social media:
We have created a social media presence on Facebook and Twitter in order to continually equip, encourage and therefore empower young girls through the sharing of relevant pages, articles, resources etc. that cover issues surrounding self-esteem. This is in order to counteract the many issues facing girls that we believe have stemmed from social media.
The aim is to eventually have a personal messaging dimension to the social media          presence in order to discuss issues in a regulated and controlled manner.

For more information contact jessie.faerber@warfield.org.uk

I'll keep you posted.